Be Nice Not Naughty: 5 tips for coparenting through the holidays

The holidays should be a joyful time for making memories with your children; but, for separated or divorced parents, there can be added stress. Between coordinating parenting time, travel plans, and extended family visits, holiday scheduling can quickly become complicated.

In Ontario, parenting time (formerly called custody and access) arrangements are typically outlined in a separation agreement, parenting plan, or court order. When plans need to be adjusted, clear and respectful communication is the best way to make the holidays smoother for everyone but especially for your children.

Whether you live in Kingston, Brockville, or Belleville, here are the top five communication tips for separated parents to help navigate holiday scheduling in Ontario.

1. Start the Conversation Early

The earlier you start discussing holiday schedules, the better. Ideally, begin planning several weeks (or months) in advance.

Early communication gives both parents the chance to:

• Review your existing parenting plan or court order.
• Identify potential conflicts with work schedules or family gatherings.
• Address travel logistics, such as flights or out-of-town visits.

Proactively confirming details can help prevent last-minute disputes and ensure both parents enjoy meaningful time with the children during the holidays.

2. Keep the Focus on the Children

It’s easy for past conflicts to surface when co-parents discuss holiday arrangements. But the focus should always remain on your children’s needs and happiness.

Ask yourself:

• What schedule will make the holidays most enjoyable for them?
• How can we balance traditions from both sides of the family?
• Can we create new traditions that make our children feel secure and loved?

Prioritize the best interests of your children maintain a child-centered mindset to reduce stress and promote stability for everyone.

3. Communicate in Writing

When making or confirming plans, it’s best to communicate in writing through email, text message, or through a parenting app such as OurFamilyWizard, AppClose, or TalkingParents.

Written communication helps:

• Prevent misunderstandings.
• Keep a clear record of agreements.
• Reduce emotional or reactive exchanges.

When communicating, keep your messages:

• Brief and factual
• Focused on logistics (not past relationship issues)
• Respectful and child-centered

A respectful tone shows cooperation and helps preserve your co-parenting relationship.

4. Be Flexible and Willing to Compromise

Even the most detailed plans can be disrupted by illness, weather, or travel delays. A spirit of flexibility goes a long way during the holidays.

If one parent needs to make a change, consider:

• Offering to swap days or weekends.
• Scheduling make-up time during the next break.
• Keeping communication open and solution-focused.

Ontario family law encourages parents to cooperate and communicate effectively. Flexibility not only supports your co-parenting relationship but also sets a positive example for your children.

5. Seek Professional Help When Needed

If discussions break down or you can’t reach an agreement, it may be time to get help from a family mediator or Ontario family lawyer.

A family mediator can help facilitate constructive discussions, while a family lawyer can:

• Explain your rights and responsibilities under Ontario’s Family Law Act and Children’s Law Reform Act.
• Review or update your parenting plan or separation agreement.
• Provide legal advice to help prevent conflicts from escalating.

Professional guidance can help you find fair, child-focused solutions without unnecessary stress or court involvement.

Navigating holiday parenting time in Ontario doesn’t have to be a source of tension. With early planning, clear communication, flexibility, and a focus on your children’s best interests, both parents can create a holiday season filled with peace and happy memories.

If you live in Kingston, Brockville, Napanee, Picton, or Belleville, and need advice about holiday parenting schedules or modifying a parenting plan, our dedicated family law team is here to help!